By Rose Edgcumbe
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Edith hit Agnes; Agnes pulled Edith’s hair; Edith pulled Agnes’s hair. The nurse moved Agnes to her other side to protect her against Edith who was the stronger one. Edith, suddenly thwarted, looked at the nurse with fury, hit her, pulled her hair, then suddenly petted her and gave her a kiss. , pp. 564–565) Terry (2 years 2 months) loved the big push dog, and all the other children somehow accepted the assumption that he had the first right to play with it. When he was away at home for two and a half days, Agnes (19 months) got a chance to play with the dog.
Pp. 485–486). Even then, it takes a long time, as the child goes through various stages: understanding what is wanted of him; fighting his mother (or her substitute) for the right to instinctual pleasure; struggling to give up his overvaluation of his excreta; developing disgust at dirtiness and pleasure in cleanliness; coping with his own anxiety and distress at failures of control. The adult can help this process best by praising success and only gently indicating disappointment in the early stages when the battle is still between the child and the adult.
Absence or interruption of early relationships means that later relationships will be weak and shallow. Second, education makes use of this first love of the child when it demands sacrifices: to become clean, to lessen his aggression, to restrict his greed, to renounce his first sexual wishes. He is ready to pay this price if he gets his parents’ love in return. If such love is not available, education either has to threaten or to drill or to bribe – all methods unsatisfactory in their results.
ANNA FREUD HB (Makers of Modern Psychotherapy) by Rose Edgcumbe